


Scent of a Man

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: New York, New York [11]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know Jokey Smurf.  He always gave the other Smurfs big, pretty packages and when they opened it, it blew up in their face."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scent of a Man

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say this will be the last story in this series, giving CJ her ending, but I am never sure. That is how I am writing it though.

The first week of September brought rain to the Big Apple. Greg instructed the cabbie to let them out three blocks from the building so they could walk. He had a large Burberry umbrella and they fit together with no problem. Wearing a satisfied smile, Greg slid his arm around CJ and she moved closer. 

"I love walking in the rain." She said. 

"I knew that about you." 

"I used to carry the umbrella...Leo was too short." 

"That was a good decision. Do you want to carry the umbrella?" Greg asked. 

"Nope. Sometimes doing nothing is utterly fantastic." 

"I had a bit more than nothing in mind for the remainder of the evening." 

"Oh right, tell it walking Greg. You have major Jokey Smurf tendencies." 

"I would resent that if I knew what the hell you were talking about." He replied. 

"You know Jokey Smurf. He always gave the other Smurfs big, pretty packages and when they opened it, it blew up in their face." 

"Still can't resent it...you completely lost me." 

CJ laughed. They walked into her building and onto the elevator. 

"Stay for coffee?" she asked. 

"Of course. I love the food at Bull and Bear but the coffee left a bit to be desired." 

"Whatever." 

His arms were around her again, smiling when he saw her smile. 

"You want to kiss me now don't you?" he asked. 

"No." 

He leaned in anyway; CJ met him halfway. 

The elevator doors opened and they moved from each other. 

"What's the matter with Winston?" Greg asked as they walked into the condo. 

The terrier did not jump up and bark when they came in. He looked up from his post on the couch but didn't move. 

"He's sick; has been for almost a week. I can hardly get him out for a walk, he won't eat, and he is lethargic. I am taking him to the vet tomorrow. Have a seat and I'll make the coffee." 

Greg went over to the couch, calling her back before sitting down. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Winston peed on the couch." 

"What! Winston!" 

He barely responded to CJ's snappish tone. Greg helped him off the couch and watched him walk slowly to Leo's easy chair. He had difficulty climbing up so Greg helped. 

"Dammit, he has never done that before." She muttered. 

"You get coffee and I will clean this up." 

They both went into the kitchen; Greg returned with soapy paper towels. It wasn't much to clean. He looked at the dog and he really didn't look well. It was a good thing he was going to the doctor tomorrow. 

"Greg?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Would it be OK if I postponed coffee?" 

"Yeah. What's the matter?" 

"I don't know. Winston never pees on the couch." 

"OK." He nodded. "So, that really means I'm not getting any tonight?" 

CJ laughed and Greg smiled...mission accomplished. He threw out the towels, wiping his hands on his slacks. 

"I'll go and call you soon." 

"Thanks." 

CJ walked him to the door, kissing him on the lips. 

"Thanks for understanding." She said. 

"Understanding was my confirmation name you know." 

"Goodnight." 

"One more kiss to tide me over." He whispered, pulling her close. 

CJ surrendered to the attention, wishing more than anything she just let him stay. He walked out and she turned to look at her dog. He looked sick and her stomach dropped as she sat down on the edge of Leo's chair. Winston whimpered softly as she pet his head. 

"Don't worry puppy; I will take care of everything." 

***

Charlie's cell phone rang as he left his Harlem office at 3:30 the next afternoon. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle and he climbed into the back of his Lincoln Continental as he answered it. 

"Charles Young." 

"Sparky, you have to come and pick me up." 

"CJ? What's the matter? Where are you?" 

"Outside the Starbucks on Avenue C and 14th. Come and get me." 

"Of course. Don't you move...it could be a while. Traffic is a nightmare." He motioned for his driver to move as quickly as he could. "Tell me what happened." 

"I had to leave him. He's really sick." 

"Who? OK, take a deep breath and talk to me." 

"He was it." CJ whispered as she sobbed. "He was the last connection to Leo. I don't even know what to do." 

"Shh, it is going to be OK. Go and sit in Starbucks. I will be there as soon as I can." 

Charlie had no idea what was happening but it had to be bad. CJ was inconsolable and crying about Leo. Damn all this traffic; he needed to get to her. He tried to go over all the things in his mind that could make her so emotional. All he could think of were the children. How could he possible console her if something happened to Tim or Charlie? He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. 

"Hello." 

"Nora, its Charlie." 

"Chuck roast, how's it hanging?" 

"I'm going to Alphabet City to pick up CJ. Meet us back at her condo." 

"Sure. What's CJ doing...?" 

"I don't know but she called me hysterical. I hope that I will have some answers when we get there. I thought she was...is this supposed to happen after three years?" 

"Honestly, I don't know. Grief has seven stages and they have no timeline. I will meet you there." 

"Good. Thanks." 

***

CJ was soaking wet when Charlie got her back to the condo. Nora took her into the bedroom, got her out of her wet clothes and into a robe. Nora noticed the room was redecorated but made no comment. The three of them sat in the living room, CJ still crying silently over her apple cinnamon tea. 

"Winston is dead." She finally said. 

"What happened?" Charlie asked. 

"He's been sick for a while and last night he peed on the couch. The doctor said it was renal failure and they couldn't help him. They had to put down Leo's dog. Do you know how hard it was to leave him there?" 

"Its better CJ." Nora replied. "If Winston was in pain none of us want him to live like that." 

"But now I'm alone." 

"You are not alone." Charlie said. 

"We are not going to let you fall backwards." Nora grasped her hand. "You're going to get through this, I promise." 

"Why am I so emotional about a dog who barely liked me?" 

"He was your dog." Charlie said. "Leo's dog. I wish I had something more comforting to say." 

"Thank you for picking me up. When I left the vet's office I didn't know which way was up." She lit a cigarette. "I think I'm OK now." 

"OK. I have some last minute..." 

"Go." She reached up to caress his face as he kissed her forehead. "I appreciate you being a party to my latest nervous breakdown." 

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. You always know how to bring the party." 

Charlie left and Nora remained beside CJ on the couch. 

"I see you made some changes in the bedroom." She said. 

"I'm trying. I got some new furniture and um, I haven't sprayed the sheets in nearly a week. I have a feeling that will change tonight." 

"You know I spray my sheets with peach mango spray from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I don't feel balanced if my sheets aren't peachy. We all have our comfort zones." 

"I don't know how I am going to live without that damn dog. We have had a Winston since 2008." 

"When you're ready we can get you another dog. When you're ready." 

CJ nodded, sipping her tea. 

"Nora, am I going to be OK?" CJ asked. 

"Yes." Nora put her arm around CJ's shoulder and pulled her close. It has been a struggle these past few months but it will fall into place again. We'll all be here for you. Don't worry." 

"OK." 

***

"Hello." 

"Hi Danny, its CJ." 

"Hey CJ, it's been a while." 

"Yeah. How are you?" 

"Fine. Same as I always am. What about you?" 

"Um, I'm trying. I um, they had to put Winston down this afternoon. Renal failure." 

"Oh God. Baby, are you OK?" 

"No. I'm tired of losing things. People and things I care about." 

"We're getting older and that's all that will happen from now on. Do you need some company?" 

"No, I'm alright. Thanks though." 

"OK. Hey um, what's going on with you and Greg Brock?" 

"Greg and I are friends." 

"The _New York Post_ is calling him your new boyfriend." Danny replied. 

"Well thankfully I don't read that crap. Greg and I are friends and that's all I have to say." 

"Calm down, you're not talking to the press." 

"No, I'm talking to my ex." 

"Ex? Ouch, that stung." 

"Danny, don't do this." CJ sighed. "I didn't call you to go there." 

"I'm not doing anything. It just hurts to hear it out loud I guess. Are we going to be able to salvage our friendship?" 

CJ could not imagine never being friends with Danny. She looked back on their relationship and found each and every mistake. Though it probably ended because it just wasn't meant to be, that didn't mean she didn't want to turn back time and fix the mistakes. CJ always spent more time looking at the things she had done wrong instead of what she had done right. Her other line clicked. 

"Hold on, OK? Hello." 

"Hey. Is it possible for us to have that coffee tonight?" 

It was Greg and CJ smiled. 

"Yeah. My place or yours?" 

"Mine. I think I have the kind you like. I can run out and buy that kind you like." 

CJ told him she would be there in 90 minutes before going back to Danny. 

"Well, I should go." She said. "Talk to you soon." 

"It's a small town; I'm sure I'll run into you. I'm sorry about Winston." 

"Thank you. Bye Danny." 

***

"I can't believe it. A two hour make out session. It was fabulous." 

CJ, Nora, and Donna sat in the restaurant in their gym having lunch after spinning class. CJ perused the menu. 

"OK, what exactly does make out mean?" Nora asked. "We are in our 60s; I need some kind of definitions. Were people wearing clothes? I'm married...Toby and I do everything naked." 

CJ looked at Donna for confirmation and she nodded. 

"We were both dressed, though not fully. I was down to a bra and Greg's shirt was open. God it was like, the good old days. Touching, kissing, and stroking...a buffet of sensory experiences. Utterly fabulous." She sipped her water. 

"So I'm figuring this thing with Greg is moving to the next level." Donna said. 

"Oh my God, if I don't take him to bed soon I am going to explode." 

"Well how long has it been?" Nora asked. 

They had their first date when she returned from Paris in the second week of August. It was now the third week of September. They were five weeks in. 

"Greg is old-fashioned. As much smack as he talks he really wants to take this slow." CJ said. 

"Um, how slow are we talking here?" Nora asked. "Forget old fashioned, what about just old. In like six weeks, you will be 66. Greg has to be close to 70. Somebody better get a move on." 

"Thanks Nora. No seriously, it will happen when it happens. He does not want to end up like Danny." 

"Aha, I knew it." Donna said. 

The server came over to the table. CJ ordered the tropical fruit salad, Nora the garden salad with chicken, and Donna the turkey club with no bacon. 

"What do you mean you knew it?" 

"I'm just saying that Greg already knows what happened to the last guy who pushed you too hard. He wants to tread lightly so it won't be over before it starts." 

"I get that." Nora replied. "But seriously, we cannot move too slowly here people." 

"I hear ya. We're doing it soon; I can promise you that. After last night, I won't be able to wait much longer. That man really knows what to do with his hands." 

They all laughed as CJ wore a happy smile. Things were changing, but she wanted to make sure that she did this one right. She liked Greg, as a friend and more, and though Nora was right about not taking it too slow, she wanted it to be perfect. Oh God, was there any such thing? 

"Do you realize you just said 'doing it'?" Donna asked. 

They all fell out laughing again. 

***

Tim came over on Thursday night to see his mother. He found her in the study, sitting at his father's desk surrounded by papers. He leaned to kiss her cheek. 

"Hey mom. What are you doing? Are you looking for some of Dad's paperwork?" 

"No sweetie. I'm cleaning." 

"Are you going with the theory that things get messier before it gets cleaner?" Tim asked. 

"It certainly looks that way, doesn't it? I'm just putting everything in boxes that I will store in the hall closet. Wanna help?" 

"Yeah. What can I do?" 

"Grab a pile. Seriously, I'm just throwing things in a box. I have all of his important papers. I can't tell you what half of this stuff is." 

"Then why don't you just throw it out?" Tim asked. 

"One thing at a time. Anyway, a part of me thinks there could be some government secrets in one of these folders. I don't want them to end up at the city dump." She stood up. "Are you hungry sweetie? I think I'll make a sandwich." 

"Nope, I'm fine. Are you finished cleaning out the desk?" 

"Everything but the bottom drawer. Its all yours." 

CJ went to the kitchen while Tim went through the drawer. 

"Hey mom." 

"Yeah?" 

"What's this?" 

"What?" 

CJ came back into the study and looked at her son. 

"It is a drawer full of books. I leafed through a bunch of them and they seem to be journals." 

"Whose journals?" CJ asked. 

"Dad's." 

"I didn't know Leo kept journals." 

"Me neither." 

CJ picked up one of the black leather bound notebooks and opened it to the middle. 

_3/12_

They know now. Jed and I sat them down and told them the truth. We had to since that damn Danny Concannon was going to run with the story. I don't think I have ever seen that pain in CJ's eyes. Not even when I had to tell her about the MS. Not even when we lost Sean. 

"Oh God." CJ covered her mouth. "Sean? He named our baby." She went back to his words. 

_I came home and she packed a bag. I cannot believe she walked out. She left Tim so I know she is pissed at me. I cannot even imagine that she won't come back to me. So here I sit in our bedroom, smelling her in the sheets and pillows. I know she keeps liquor in the laundry closet and my mouth waters for it. But I have to stay strong; it will disappoint her if I fall...it will disappoint everyone. I love her so much and I have to get her back. But how can I stop this from happening again? If I can't promise her safety and honesty, what do I have to offer?_

"Leo." She murmured, running her fingers over the pages. "Are they all his journals?" 

"I think so. There must be ten or twelve in here." 

***

Two weeks later September turned into October, Nora staged an intervention. They arrived at CJ's house on a Wednesday evening. She sat in the living room in her pajamas with CNN on the muted television. She was reading another journal, this one had Leo dealing with his recovery from the double bypass surgery. Dealing with his mortality, his feelings about Jed, and his fears concerning his wife and small children. 

_9/22_

I woke up in the middle of the night again. I'm not telling CJ about it; she will just be worried. I watch her juggle the kids, my care, and the country. She has the strength of Samson but I see her faltering. To be sure I thought she was the best person for the job. Toby and Jed butt heads too often and Josh is itching for a new experience. He hasn't said anything but he never had too...I've known the kid since diapers. Not CJ though, she's loyal. 

I've watched her grow over the years and I know she can do this. I know Margaret won't let her fail. Neither will Nancy, Kate, Charlie, or Nora. Everything is so crazy right now; the whole damn thing we worked so hard to build is falling apart. The dirt is crumbling at our feet. Jed is sick and that puts a lot of pressure on the team. I wish I could be there to lead...I should be there. 

But I resigned; it's not my job to take care of him anymore. I had to drop the kids from the nest and let them fly. They will stumble but they have each other. The problem is CJ won't let me touch her. I can't even hug her or give her a squeeze of comfort. I hear her crying in the shower and at night when she thinks I'm asleep. I can't be there for her, she won't let me, and it breaks my heart. I know she is scared. I'm scared. My heart stopped more than once on that table...hell I should have died in the woods of Camp David. 

I didn't though, and I want to be close to my wife. I'm still having the dream where I can't quite reach her. I scream but she doesn't hear me. I don't know what it means and I haven't told anyone. My doctor should know about these things but what the hell can he do? I know it would all be better if I could hold onto her. None of this is her fault; the fear or the fact that she has to work so hard. That does not mean I have to like it. I want my wife back but this is really my fault. I will have to accept the consequences of the series of events I began. 

"Put the book down." Donna said. 

CJ looked up with a confused look on her face. 

"What are you guys doing here? Damn, I didn't even hear anyone come in." 

"Of course you didn't." Toby said. "You're too busy reading those damn journals." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"CJ, its 6:30 on a gorgeous Wednesday and you're at home in pajamas." Josh said. "Tell me you can't see a problem with that." 

"I don't. I'm just tired. You can't just come into my home and talk to me like this. What the hell is the matter with you?" 

"We want to help honey." Donna said. "It's been three and a half years. You cannot keep doing this to yourself. This is not what Leo wanted!" 

"How the hell can any of you pretend to know what Leo wanted?" 

She jumped up from the couch as Nora snatched the book from her hands. 

"What the fuck...Nora!" 

"Damn you! You cannot sit here and die reading these journals. To hell with what you promised Leo. What about what you promised yourself? Leo is dead. It hurts and we all miss him everyday but dammit we miss you. You have to remember the people who are still here. The people who love you. What about Leah? Fuck it, how about I just cast this damn thing in the fire!" 

"No! Don't!" 

"Then wake up!" 

CJ snatched the book from her and held it to her chest. 

"How can you call yourself my friend! Get the hell out of my house!" 

"CJ?" Josh tried to touch her but she pulled away. "Calm down." 

"Go away! None of you understand. You better hope to God you never have to understand." 

"You know what? I am sick to death of this pity party. She wants us to leave so I'm leaving." 

Nora walked out the door, followed by Donna. Josh took a deep breath. 

"I'm sorry CJ." 

He walked out too. That just left Toby and CJ. They stared at each other. 

"Toby!" Nora exclaimed from the hallway. 

CJ reached for his hand, holding it tightly in her own. 

"Tobus." She whispered. 

"Toby! Let's go, now!" 

Toby kissed her hand and walked out of the condo, closing the door behind him. 

***

Greg walked into the condo with a bottle of white wine and a McDonald's bag. 

"What's in the McDonald's bag?" CJ asked. 

"I have never gotten through a crisis without chicken McNuggets. It's not the same since they stopped making them with random chicken parts but they're still alright." 

CJ managed a smile. 

"Get in here Gregory." 

"What's up with you lately McGarry? One minute you're fine, then you're a bit standoffish yet still incredibly attractive, then you pull out the major Sybil-like tendencies. What's that about?" 

"Leo has been gone for over three years." She replied. 

"I know. Where do you keep the wineglasses and corkscrew?" 

"Oh, I'll get it." CJ stood up. 

"No, you will sit the hell down and stuff yourself on Chicken McNuggets. I think I can navigate your kitchen." 

"You break it, you buy it." 

Greg gave the OK sign and walked into the kitchen. He was back in 10 minutes. 

"What's new pussycat?" he joined her on the couch. "You've been MIA for a while. I thought it better to give you your space." 

"They pulled an intervention on me tonight." CJ said. 

"Who?" 

"Nora, Toby, Donna, and Josh. They think I'm addicted to mourning." 

"Are you?" Greg popped a nugget in his mouth as he poured two glasses of wine. 

CJ shrugged. 

"You answer me with questions too much for my liking." She said. 

"Mmm hmm. Tell me what's happening." 

So she did. She told him that Tim found the journals while they cleaned the study. CJ never knew he kept them and she may have spent a lot of her time reading them. It was like being with Leo again, except this was pure Leo...the one who bared his soul. 

"I may have gotten addicted to reading." 

"Better than Zane Grey, huh?" 

CJ smirked. 

"How come every time you open your mouth some smart ass thing comes out?" 

"Dunno. Part of my charm I guess. Eat your chicken McNuggets, men don't like to eat alone." 

"Those things will kill you." CJ declared. 

"Nope. Rarely do I have a crisis of McNugget proportions these days. You want to know what I think." 

"Yeah." 

"Your friends are right. I don't think there is a damn thing wrong with missing Leo. But you can't keep doing this to yourself cookie. It's like doubling and tripling the pain. Maybe it's all fresh again because you finally got around to cleaning out your closet so to speak but you gotta keep on keeping on, you know? Clean, work out, be with people who love you...I wish I could say something more profound but I can't. It is a one day at a time process. You definitely have to put the books down though. I can take them off your hands." 

"What do you mean? What do you want to do with them?" 

"I have a vault where I can store them. You can visit whenever you want. Only if you want to...no pressure." 

"Do you promise not to read them?" she asked. 

"Cross my heart." He said, doing it. "C'mere, I want to hold you. I've been worried about you." 

CJ curled up in his arms. Greg smiled as he kissed the top of her head. 

"It is going to be OK. This too shall pass, even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm going to help." 

"What do you plan on doing?" CJ asked, trying to control the tidal wave of emotion threatening to come to the surface. 

"Loving you." He replied. 

"Oh Greg." 

She cried and he held onto her, whispering words of comfort as he rubbed her back. 

***

CJ lay in bed that night holding her cell phone and staring at the ceiling. Greg held her for hours. When the tears and sobs subsided, they finished the food and the wine. He went home that night with the journals of Leo McGarry in a shopping bag. Now she just had to patch up the other half of her night. She pressed one and listen to it ring Brandy's _Best Friend_. 

"Yeah?" 

"Hey." 

"Is there a reason that you are calling me?" Nora asked. 

"To apologize." 

"Well..." 

"I'm sorry Nora. I'm sorry about the whole damn thing." 

"Don't you ever try to make Toby choose sides again! Ever, do you understand me?" 

"I'm sorry. I really am. I just...oh God, it was like having him back again. I don't know if you will ever understand." 

"I would have tried if you wouldn't have shut me out. Do you know how much that hurt me?" 

"Yes. Nora, please don't cry." 

"Don't tell me what to do!" Nora snapped through her sobbing. 

"OK. I'm so sorry. I just want to forget about it and be friends again." 

"We never weren't friends you idiot. I've been pacing the phone for hours wanting to call you." 

"I love you." CJ said through her own tears. 

"Me too. Are you alright?" 

"Greg came over after you guys left. I sent the journals with him. He has a vault and he can keep them safe. I didn't even get to celebrate cleaning out the study with you guys." 

"Oh my God, is it done?" 

"Yeah. I put away all the papers. I put the photographs in a box and Brendan is coming this weekend to move the wedding painting in there." 

"Oh CJ, I'm so...oh shit hold on, that's Donna." 

"Put her on conference call." 

"OK. Hello." 

"Nora, I want to call her. What do I do?" 

"I'm right here Donna." 

"CJ? Are you OK?" 

"I'm OK. I need to apologize to you too sweetie." 

"No, don't. We...we just wanted you to be alright." 

"Greg took the journals Donna." Nora said. "He put them in his vault." 

"Greg was there." 

"He came over after you left. He brought wine and Chicken McNuggets." 

"What?" Nora asked. "He did?" 

"That's adorable." 

"I thought it was sweet." CJ said. "He is a good guy and he is being a great friend right now. It's what I need." 

"It sounds like we are stepping further away from the 'doing it' scenario." Donna replied. 

"No we're not. We are a lot closer." 

"Tell her about the study." Nora said. 

"I cleaned the study." 

"Oh that's terrific." Donna clapped. 

"And I have been officially off the cologne for two weeks. I only have a little left and I haven't gone to Macy's." 

"That's good CJ, but remember that comfort smell is OK." 

"Yeah. Still, it feels good. Thank you guys for not completely hating me." 

"Shut up." Donna said. "We were only angry and upset because we love you so much." 

"Exactly." 

CJ's other line clicked and she saw it was Greg. 

"I should go, that's Greg." 

"At quarter to midnight?" Nora asked. 

"Hey patch him through on conference." Donna said. "We swear to be quiet." 

"Promise me." 

"Yes." They said in unison. 

CJ muttered something about Dayton Valley High School and being 15 before answering. 

"Hello." 

"I was actually hoping you were asleep." He said. 

"You're phone call would've woken me." 

"Yeah, I obviously didn't think my plan completely through. I want you to get some sleep...you had a long night." 

"Yes sir. What are you doing?" 

"Typing. I'll pass out in an hour or so. Hey, I meant what I said earlier. I'm here, no pressure, just know that." 

"I know. Goodnight." 

"Hey um...nevermind." 

"What?" 

"We'll talk soon. Lunch next week?" 

"Yeah. Goodnight again." 

"Goodnight Claudia Jean." 

CJ hung up. 

"Are you two still there?" she asked. 

"Aw, that was so cute." Donna said. 

"I have to agree. I can hear in his voice how much he cares." Nora said. "But he's right, you should sleep. We all should. We'll stop by tomorrow." 

"OK. Goodnight." 

***

"Give it to me one more time." 

CJ sighed, sipping her Diet Coke. 

"Three sisters. Michael Caine is married to Mia Farrow but having an affair with Barbara Hershey. Mia sets up Woody, her first husband, with Dianne Wiest. Angst, hilarity, and the human condition ensue." 

"How the hell does Woody Allen get such beautiful women to fall in love with him?" Greg asked. 

His head rested on CJ's shoulder and he moaned softly as she ran her fingers through his hair. 

"Because he is smart, funny, and neurotic. That is a highly erotic combination." 

'Really? Damn, I doubt I will ever understand women. Woody Allen? Seriously?" 

"Yes." 

"Hmm, it could be the brown corduroy bellbottoms...those are sexy." 

CJ laughed, telling him to shut up. 

"And this is your favorite film?" he asked. 

"No, it's my favorite Woody Allen film. You could see why if you would stop talking for five minutes." 

"Do you have a favorite film?" 

"Of course. It's _Ricochet_ ; what's yours?" 

" _12 Angry Men_. It's the movie that made me choose journalism." 

"It's about jurors." CJ replied. 

"Yeah, but it also about one man's quest to find the truth in all the muck that is given to him. Then he has to convince the world around him. The scene where Fonda does the slow walk and they time it...flawless. What is _Ricochet_ about? I don't think I've ever seen it." 

"Denzel Washington..." 

"Say no more." Greg held up his hand. "You have got a major thing for him." 

"He is the finest actor of our generation, and the most beautiful man to ever walk the Earth. Don't pretend you don't know these things." 

Greg laughed. 

"What?" 

"You. You're...I don't even know." 

"Explain." 

"I just said I don't even know. I can tell you though that it has been a while since anyone made me speechless. I've known you for a long time but I am starting to realize that I am just getting to know you." 

"Is that a good or bad thing?" CJ asked, munching on popcorn. 

"Definitely good. I want to make some time to get to know you Claudia Jean." 

"You got time?" 

"2 hours tomorrow between typing and running to the market. Gimme the crash course." 

"My whole life is the crash course." She replied. "What about you? What does the dossier of Gregory Brock look like?" 

"I was born a coal miner's daughter...oh wait, not my story." 

CJ burst into laughter. He sat up, taking her face in his hands. 

"I adore your laugh." He said. 

"All my boyfriends tell me that." 

"Well they are correct. I'm the cutest of all your boyfriends though, aren't I?" 

"Oh you better believe it." 

Greg laughed, drawing her face close for a kiss. CJ put her arms around him, pulling him further down on the couch. 

"See, every time I want to have intellectual conversation with a woman, she just wants to tear my clothes off." 

"It must be so damn hard to be you." CJ replied, kissing him again. 

Greg slid his tongue in her mouth, enjoying the moan he got in return. God, he wanted her. He wanted her naked and giggling. He wanted to feel her warm, bare skin on his fingers and hear her whisper his name before screaming it. Greg hoped he could still make a woman cry out for him...it had been some time. Even if he could, Claudia Jean McGarry was nowhere near the average woman. 

"You're thinking too hard." She murmured between kisses. 

"How do you know that?" he asked. 

"Your erection is softening." 

"Oh terrific...that makes me feel good. Eww." 

"Empty your mind Greg and focus on me." 

She sat up slightly, took off her sweater and lay down again. Focusing on her would be no problem at all. 

"Shit, shit, I should go." 

"What?" 

CJ tried to hold onto him but Greg pulled away. He picked up his shirt from the living room floor but she took it from him. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. 

"Run out on me, I can handle it. But the shirt stays." 

"Um, what are you going to do with it?" 

"Sleep in it. I have a sweatshirt in my closet I can give you if you insist on leaving." 

"It's getting late CJ and we both want...you know, we should...yeah." 

"Yeah. I'll get the sweatshirt." 

They untangled their limbs and she walked over to the hall closet. He threw the CCNY shirt over his head and smiled. She kissed him before leaning to whisper in his ear. 

"What do you think I'm going to do now that I'm all riled up?" she asked. 

"I can imagine." Greg replied with a goofy grin. 

"That better be exactly what you do." She buttoned up his coat and walked him to the door. "Goodnight Gregory." 

"Goodnight Claudia Jean. It was a lovely evening." 

***

The first snowfall of the not quite winter season fell on CJ's birthday. It was a Thursday and she and her closest friends would spend Saturday celebrating. Tonight she had all to herself Greg called her on Monday asking her if she wanted to go out with him. 

"It depends. I have gotten all kinds of offers for my time." 

"I have a surprise for you." He said. 

"I'm not turning down any kind of surprise. You're on Gregory." 

"Great. I'll pick up at 6:30 for an early dinner." 

"I'm 66 years old...that's not early." 

"Shush. I'll see you Thursday." 

He was knocking on her door now as CJ checked herself in the mirror. She wore a black pencil skirt with a maroon cashmere sweater with matching maroon Gucci boots. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore a diamond necklace. Greg knocked again; CJ pulled the door open with a smile. 

"Hi." 

"Happy Birthday." 

He pulled the peach roses behind his back. 

"Oh my God, they're beautiful. Come in." 

She put them in water while Greg fidgeted around the foyer. When she returned he was still fidgeting. 

"What's the matter?" she asked, grabbing her coat from the closet. 

"Officially this is our first date." He said. 

"What would give you that idea? Our first date was in August. Dinner at Romanoff's, don't you remember? You spilled coffee all over yourself." 

"Yes, but I planned things tonight." 

Greg took her coat and helped her into it. 

"You did? What exactly have you planned?" 

She turned, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"Well there's dinner, and then a show. Maybe even a little after party." 

"Maybe?" CJ raised an eyebrow. 

"You're old now...who knows if you can handle such things." 

CJ laughed, pretending to slap him. Greg pulled her into a smoldering kiss. 

"We better go now before I say to hell with all of it and take you right here cookie." 

"Woo hoo! Happy Birthday to me." 

***

CJ didn't bother with too many lights when they returned; she wanted a little ambience. She put Bob Seger in the CD player as Greg poured tea. 

"Dance with me Gregory." 

She held out her hand and he took it. They danced slowly, their bodies comfortable sliding against each other. 

_We got tonight  
Who needs tomorrow  
Lets make it last  
Let's find a way  
Turn out the light  
Come take my hand now  
We got tonight babe  
Why don't you stay? _

CJ pulled him closer, instinctively tilting her chin as his lips found her neck. He made this cute little moan and that made CJ giggle. 

"What's funny?" he asked. 

"Nothing. Come closer." 

They kissed for a while, somehow making their way back to the couch without tripping over anything or killing themselves. 

"I have a question." CJ said when their lips unglued. 

She sat on his lap, toying with the knot of his tie as his fingers finally made contact with her bare back. 

"Do we have to talk?" 

"It's important." 

"OK shoot." 

"Do you use Viagra? Do you have any cardiac or respiratory problems? When was your last HIV test? When is the last time you had sex? Was it protected...?" 

"Whoa, slow down." He held up his hand. "I thought I was the reporter. That was way more than one question and quite personal. Why would you ask me...?" 

"We're making love tonight Greg, you are not running out of here, and I need to know these things." 

"Oh. No, no, no, 6 months, about 15 months, and yes." 

CJ laughed, not believing he remembered the questions. 

"Do you have condoms?" she asked. 

"Always. Um, I'm a little breathless but it is not because I have respiratory problems. Are you sure about this CJ?" 

"Yeah. You know what, it has nothing to do with us getting older, or pushing myself. I don't think it has felt this right in a long time." 

"I knew it. It was my charm and wit wasn't it? It astonishes even me sometimes." he said. 

CJ laughed. 

"Shut up, not even close. Let's go to bed." 

Greg would've felt more confident if he could've wiped the dumb grin off his face as she led him to the bedroom. CJ turned on the small bedside lamp and he watched like an eager teenager as she undressed to her underwear. 

"God bless yoga." He breathed. 

"Don't forget spinning, swimming, and sit-ups.." She finished. 

"Mmm hmm." 

He moved into her arms, letting her undress him. Greg took care of his body too and CJ was impressed by what she saw. 

"How old are you?" she asked, stroking the front of his boxers and smiling when she woke his erection. 

"I'll be 70 in May. Everything is working right?" 

"Its working." She smiled. 

She lay on the bed, holding out her arms for him. Greg came to her with that grin. He kissed her mouth, moving down to her neck and shoulders as CJ hummed her approval. He did not let her keep the underwear long and found he had quite a fascination with her breasts. Bringing her nipples to attention with little trouble, Greg flicked his tongue across them. CJ cried out and arched her back. He sucked one nipple as he stroked the other breast. 

"Oh God." 

He wanted to ask her if it felt good but he didn't need to now. It had been a long time since he had been with a woman who felt it like she seemed to. It was time to move on but he filed away for future use that the next time he was with her foreplay would be priority number one. He kissed across her stomach, dipping his tongue into her navel before spreading her thighs. Then he stopped. 

"You have a tattoo." He said. 

"Yeah. Ignore it." 

"I don't have to ignore it...it is a part of you. Too bad I don't have you for 30 years, I wouldn't mind seeing my name permanently etched in skin." 

"I could live to be 96." CJ replied. 

His thumb brushed across her clit and CJ moaned. 

"Does that feel good?" he asked. 

How come it seemed like CJ always attracted the talkers? Danny wasn't much of a talker but if Greg was that would suit her just fine. 

"I'm not sure." She replied. "Do it again." 

Greg smiled, honoring her request. 

"Mmm, it does." 

"Does it really Claudia Jean?" 

"Yes. Mmm." She stroked the back of his head. 

He made love to her with his lips and tongue. CJ gripped his shoulder, squirming on the bed as the sensations ran through her. 

"Oh God! Don't stop! Oh Greg!" 

Her orgasm made her scream his name again. He moved his body over hers as she caught her breath. CJ could feel his erection on her and it turned her on. 

"You are beautiful." He whispered in her ear. 

"Thank you." 

"Thank you." He said, kissing her. 

They spooned the first time they made love. It was not CJ's favorite position because she usually liked to see her lover's face. But Greg seemed to have graduated summa cum laude in spooning. Stimulating her from the front and the back, CJ thought she was going to black out. 

"Oh God CJ, oh God, you are so good to me!" Greg moaned. "Dammit woman!" 

"Keep going. Ooh...I'm almost there. Oh God!" 

"Hold on cookie; I'm coming with you." 

They climaxed together and CJ heard him exhale in her ear. 

"Don't move a muscle." She said. 

"OK. I think that's kinda hard right now anyway. Just say when." 

CJ relaxed as Greg kissed her neck and caressed her breast. She giggled. 

"Did you know that you have about 5 different giggles?" he asked. 

"No I didn't." 

"You do. The strangled little giggle is my favorite." 

"What?" 

CJ moved and Greg slid out of her. She turned to look at him. 

"What what?" 

"Repeat what you just said." 

"Your strangled little giggle is my favorite. It's like rapture, passion, and joy all wrapped in one little noise. You only laugh like that when someone loves you." 

CJ kissed him. Greg held her body against his, feeling her relax and rest her head on his chest. 

"I actually have one more birthday surprise for you." 

"Seriously? I think someone went all out tonight." 

"I was rewarded greatly." 

She smiled. 

"Well where is it?" 

"I have to get dressed and go and get it from the security desk. Can I just stay naked a while longer?" 

"As long as the gift won't spoil." 

Greg groaned. 

"I better go get it." he dragged himself out of bed. "You're not allowed to move and you can't get dressed. I will be right back." 

"OK." 

CJ fell back on the pillows with a long sigh as Greg left the apartment. She truly had not felt so satisfied, so filled, in as long as she could remember. She was anxious to have him back and be in his arms. It was the first time any man but Leo had been in the bed. With Greg nothing about it made her feel strange or uncomfortable. She didn't feel like she was betraying Leo. Lifting the pillow to her face, CJ inhaled...damn that man smelled good. 

"I'm back." Greg called out, coming back into the room with a medium sized shoebox. 

"My feet are a lot bigger than that." 

"Ha ha Claudia Jean." He sat on the edge of the bed and put the box down. "Open it." 

CJ pulled the top off. Inside was a small cat with a white bow on. He was orange with white spots on one side. 

"Oh Greg." She picked up the cat from the box. "He's adorable." 

"His name is Buttons. I have everything he'll need downstairs. Food, litter, toys, everything. It will only take a few minutes to set it all up and show it to him." 

CJ put on her robe and they went down to do it. Then they went back and curled in the bed; Buttons followed. 

"You like him?" Greg asked as CJ once again settled in his arms. 

"I do. You've made this a really nice birthday." 

"I'm glad; I'm glad I get to fall asleep with my arms around you. Are you sure it's not my birthday too?" He kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Claudia Jean." 

***

CJ was doing the all by herself thing on Sunday afternoon. It was cold in Manhattan and she had a bit of a field day in Nordstrom shopping for Leah. There would be more shopping soon. Tim and Stephen found a surrogate and a donor; they hoped to be pregnant by early next year. She was thinking of stopping somewhere for a quick bite when the sound of her name made her turn around. Danny was heading her way so CJ smiled. 

"Hey." He shoved his hands in his pocket. 

"Where are your gloves and scarf Danny Concannon?" she pulled the top of his coat closed. "You are going to get triple walking pneumonia." 

"That would be possible if such a disease existed." He removed her hands. "How are you?" 

"Good. You?" 

"OK. I was just going to Cosi for soup or something. Wanna join me?" 

"Yeah." 

They walked along in silence, CJ watching the breath come from her mouth and wondering what her face looked like. 

"I got your birthday card." She said. "I liked it." 

"We haven't talked like I hoped we would." He replied. 

"I don't hold a single grudge against you." CJ walked in as he held the door. "The past four months have been trying." 

"Why didn't you reach out to me?" 

"I did not reach out to anybody. Everyone was worried for a bit." 

"Leo?" Danny asked. 

"I'm sorry?" 

They sat down and a server approached the table. CJ ordered a cup of coffee, a bowl of vegan vegetable soup, and a roast turkey sandwich on wheat. Danny got chili and a glass of water. 

"Were you...mourning?" 

"Something like that. I don't know if I ever properly dealt with the fact that Leo was gone. Some days it's still really fresh." 

"Yeah." 

"Anyway, I am plugging along and I liked the birthday card." 

"I'm glad. I thought of buying you a dog but figured it was too soon." Danny said. 

"I just got a cat. His name is Buttons and he is a sweetie. He likes to cuddle and I don't have to walk him." 

"That's good. Did you find him at the SPCA?" 

"Greg got him for my birthday." 

"You're definitely seeing him now?" 

"I guess you can call it dating. Neither one of us wants to move quickly. I don't care about being old and maybe not having all the time in the world. I can't jump into something that I am not ready for." 

"Do you think you will ever be ready?" Danny asked as the food arrived. 

"I can't answer that. I don't feel pressure from Greg though...I'm sorry, maybe we should not talk about this." 

"I can handle it CJ." Danny ate a spoonful of chili. "I miss talking to you." 

"Me too. It's going to be weird for a while. Still I don't know how things could've been different. I really want to try to stay your friend." 

"I'm glad to hear that." 

"Do you have plans for Christmas?" CJ asked. 

"It's a month away but actually I do. I'm going to visit friends in London. I think I may stay through the New Year. There are lots of people over there I want to see. You doing a party?" 

"Just a family thing on Christmas Eve; everyone will be there. As I said these past four months have been crazy, we all want to reconnect and just be together. It would've been nice if you could've been there." 

"I don't think so. Awkward is the word that comes to mind. It's too soon." 

"OK. Just don't be a stranger Danny. Please." 

"I promise." 

***

"I need to tell you how good you smell." 

CJ and Greg were curled on his bed on the Friday after Thanksgiving. They were fully dressed and watching _Fallen_. 

"Do I?" 

"Yeah. What do you wear?" 

"Um, I use Tag body wash and Joop for Men sometimes. Usually it is just the body wash. You like it?" 

Greg slid his hand under her sweater and caressed her back. 

"Mmm hmm. It is nice." 

She kissed his neck and Greg smiled. 

"Is Denzel turning you on? Is that why I'm getting all this special attention?" 

"Oh you haven't gotten the special attention yet." 

"Haven't I?" 

"There you go answering me with questions again." 

"I want to know more of this special attention of which you speak." 

"Do you?" 

"Who has questions now?" 

Greg groaned as CJ caressed the front of his Levi's. She palmed him; he pushed into her hand." 

"Mmm cookie, those hands are golden." 

CJ giggled, moving down to kiss his chest on top of his Yale tee shirt. She unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling them down his legs. Then she took what she needed out of his boxers. With a smile and no words CJ went down on him. If Greg pretended to know what was coming, he certainly couldn't anymore. Women didn't do this anymore, not women his age. It was a lost part of life like staying up all night, finishing a bottle of champagne, and still making deadline. Yet here she was, her mouth around his shaft, her tongue tickling his tip, and her hand massaging his balls. Now this was the perfect blowjob. 

"Oh my God! Claudia Jean, oh God, holy..." 

Greg's hips lifted off the bed and he climaxed. 

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy." 

He came down slowly as CJ put her hand over his heart. She kissed him softly. 

"I love you." He whispered. 

"They always do after that." 

"No, sincerely, I do. Cross my heart." 

"I know." CJ replied laughing. 

Greg kissed her again. CJ ran her fingers through his hair. 

"Hey, are you even still writing my memoir?" she asked. 

"Yes I am. I wanted to talk to you about that. I'm really making some headway. I think by mid-January or early February I'll have the first six chapters on disk. I'm up to the reelection." 

"Ah, right before you make your first appearance. Can I read it?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" she curled her body around him and Greg exhaled. 

"Because you are not reading it until it is done. Can we agree on that cookie?" 

"I would prefer to negotiate." CJ replied. 

"Me too, but can we agree on that?" 

"Yes." She muttered. 

"Good." 

A cell phone rang and Greg grabbed it. 

"Greg Brock." 

"Greg? This is Toby. I was trying to reach CJ." 

"Oh, hold on." He held out the phone, mouthing that it was Toby. 

"Hey. What's going on?" 

"He is answering your phone?" 

"There were two cell phones on the nightstand and he grabbed it. What's up?" 

"I called to see how you were doing. I hadn't heard from you in a few days so..." 

"I talked to Nora this morning." she said. 

Greg slid down on the bed, lifting her sweater and kissing her stomach. CJ stroked his neck. 

"That's Nora, not me. Are you alright?" 

"Yeah. I'm going Christmas shopping this weekend. Wanna help?" 

"Hell no! I have free will now; no more Christian rituals." 

"Oh c'mon Tobus, it will be fun." 

"Doubtful." 

CJ broke into a giggle. 

"What's funny?" 

"Nothing." She slapped Greg playfully but he continued his task, sliding a hand into her lounge pants. 

"Look, you and Nora come over for dinner on Sunday. I'll invite Donna and Cliff too." 

"Will Greg be there?" 

"You of all people should not be able to find one bad thing to say about Greg Brock." CJ gritted her teeth, squirming under his touch. 

"I don't. I just don't want a repeat..." 

"Everything is fine. It's completely different. I should go; I'm his company. I don't want to be rude." 

"OK. I love you; call me soon." 

"I love you too. Bye." 

CJ flipped her cell phone closed, pulling Greg to her by the back of his shirt. 

"You are a bad boy Mr. Brock." 

"Oh good. I think I may need to be thoroughly disciplined." 

***

After swimming on Wednesday CJ took the subway over to Nora's house. She was waiting for her with coffee and corn muffins. When she opened the door, Nora pulled her into a fierce hug. 

"What was that about?" 

CJ dropped her coat and gym bag on the couch. 

"Oh, so now I can't hug my best friend?" Nora asked. 

"You can do whatever you want. The coffee smells delicious." 

They went into the kitchen and CJ sat at the table. She bent to rub Andy Rooney, one of Toby and Nora's overweight tabby cats. 

"Where is Harry Reasoner?" CJ asked. 

"Around here somewhere. Andy follows the smell of food. How was your swim?" 

"Really good. I swear Nora, I feel good these days. Physically I mean, mentally I'm still working through some things. It really is a one day at a time process." 

"I know." Nora put the coffee on the table. "Have you cleaned anything else?" 

"No. You know what though, a lot of this is my own fault." 

"What do you mean?" 

Nora sat at the table, lighting the first of her five allotted cigarettes. 

"After Leo died I hid. I asked Danny to move in and I hid behind him. I didn't clean, or go through things, or try to move on. If I had pushed myself I would've found those journals years ago. I honestly didn't start to mourn until this summer. I just woke one morning and it felt like I just lost him." 

"When Danny left you were suddenly alone with those feelings." 

"Exactly." CJ nodded. "And then Winston passed away. That truly sent me reeling Nora. I'm alright today; tomorrow I'll have to see." 

"Are you sure you're alright?" Nora asked. 

CJ nodded. She promised Nora that she would not close herself off anymore...she had terrific friends. They were there to lean on and she would if she needed to. She was not going to get through this without them. 

"How was Thanksgiving in Boston?" CJ asked. 

"OK. Amy and Julie hosted their first combined family dinner and I think things went well. Toby is not overly fond of Boston." 

"What is he fond of these days?" 

"He told me he wants to write a book about the Bartlet Administration. I don't know what kind of book." 

"Really?" 

Toby was an accomplished writer. He'd written 15 books, all academic, on subjects ranging from Cold War politics, the Supreme Court, executive power abuse, and the history of the office of the Vice-President. 

"Yeah. I think he should not have watched _St. Elmo's Fire_ on the late show the other night. He said the first line of his book might be ' _I can't remember when it wasn't the seven of us_.'" 

"I told you that our lives were a Brat Pack movie. I call dibs on Molly Ringwald." 

"Good, cuz I am so Demi Moore. Donna can have Ally Sheedy." 

"Oh I'm sure she'll love that." 

They both laughed, deciding Josh was Emilio Estevez and Sam was Rob Lowe. 

"What about Toby and Leo?" CJ asked. 

"Oh Toby has brooding writer all over him...Andrew McCarthy." 

"That leaves Leo with Judd Nelson." 

"Yeah, remember in the movie he was the one with all the political savvy and ambition." 

"I think he was a Republican." CJ replied laughing. 

***

_Last Christmas I gave you my heart  
And the very next day you gave it away  
This year to save me from tears  
I'll give it to someone special_

CJ once again played Wham on repeat. It was December 20th; another Christmas in Manhattan. Every year she said she wouldn't buy a big tree and decorate. Yet she did, getting wrapped up in the whole season. Her granddaughter was old enough to enjoy the festivities even though she wouldn't remember. She decorated the tree while eating cookies. Buttons was nearby, trying to make mince meat of an ornament. It distracted him enough for CJ to decorate without him getting underfoot. 

It was his first Christmas...she didn't blame him for being excited. This would be her first Christmas without Danny since she lost Leo and that made her heart ache a bit. She and Greg were dating but CJ was on her own. She had not been on her own since the night of the Indonesian state dinner nearly 33 years ago. It was strange to be living that way now but CJ thought it was best. She and Buttons were doing just fine. 

In the spring she would buy a new living room set. She had not bought buttermilk since September. She was weaning herself completely off Drakkar Noir as the scent of Tag and Joop seemed to be on every surface of her condo. On paper she was a single woman again. This coming year, her 66th, would be one of self-discovery. She was scared, but eager to begin again. To really begin again. 

The star was not going on the tree until Greg returned from DC in 2 days. She assured him that the tree was the same height as she was...no ladder was needed. Nor was a spotter. But he insisted; did not want the tree to fall on her. That made her laugh as she finally relented. He thanked her with a heartbreaking grin and a kiss. Yes, CJ McGarry was certainly feeling the pangs of something that could blossom into love. 

The phone rang and CJ reached for it, leaning back on the couch. 

"Merry Christmas." 

"You have five more days. You're pretty excited." 

It was Greg. 

"I didn't know it was you. I didn't recognize the number." 

"I had to call from the hotel phone...my phone died. I forgot to charge it last night after you talked my ear off for an hour. You did not put the star on the tree did you?" 

"I promised I wouldn't. It's waiting for you. And I told you to get some sleep but you said you wanted to keep talking smarty. Don't think I don't remember. Dare I say I miss you." 

"Me too. I'm coming home tomorrow." 

"You mean the day after tomorrow?" 

"No, tomorrow. Plans changed." 

"Why?" 

"Because." 

"You're up to something." CJ said. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about Claudia Jean. Can I see you for breakfast?" 

"When?" 

"The day after tomorrow." 

"Where?" 

"My kitchen." 

"Whatever shall I wear?" she asked. 

"Nothing." 

"Oh, it's definitely a date." 

They both laughed. 

"I'll see you when you get back." 

"Yes." 

"Sleep tight OK." 

"Hotel beds do have a certain allure. You'll find out when I take you away." 

"Oh will I? I'm intrigued." 

"I'll talk to you later." 

"OK. Goodnight Greg." 

"Goodnight cookie. Hey wait!" 

"What?" 

Greg took a deep breath. 

"Hello? Greg are you still there?" 

"I love you. Goodnight." 

CJ listened as the phone went dead. She just grinned and set the phone on the coffee table. Yeah, beautiful things still blossomed in the winter cold. 

***


End file.
